To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach. ~Havelock Ellis
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
one more day...
one more day until my facebook strike is up.
don't know how i feel about this.
i wonder if i will spend as much time as before
or even more catching up on what i've missed,
but i don't think i will.
i'm sure alot of this growth isn't because
i stopped signing on to facebook daily
but if it is just all in my head,
thank goodness
because i am so much happier with myself.
plus i find cool videos like this one on youtube...
speaking of strikes...
i am not saying i agree or disagree with their beliefs
but i do believe in freedom of speech,
or in this case, song.
whether or not you approve of their approach
you can agree this is a pretty legit video
the amount of planning they had to do
and actually pulling it off
is pretty freaking cool to me :)
i know i have been saying i would
write about my dislikes with dsc
but i haven't really been
in the mood to gripe
ain't that sumthin!
ok, so it barely rained today, but I definitely had a case of the mondays.
school started back...and with that so did dsc parking problems
i was going to blog about that and other dsc dislikes, but i'm too tired.
i'll save that for tomorrow.
plus i didn't get to see my fav show weeds.
bummer.
sorry nancy botwin, we'll catch up tomorrow...i've missed you.
my post from yesterday expressed my love for music
and how it can pertain to your everday life.
the good times
and the bad.
and
like i said yesterday, i love jack johnson
and one of his songs randomly
(probably not all together randomly
since i have been listening to his music
for the past two days straight
but i digress)
popped into my head
"All At Once"
i have been stressing about school
and other things and low and behold
look at these lyrics...
All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothin' that you could tell me
That could ease my mind
Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around a song
Some say
There's gonna be the new hell
Some say
It's still too early to tell
Some say
It really ain't no myth at all
Keep askin' ourselves are we really
Strong enough
There's so many things that we got
Too proud of
We're too proud of
We're too proud of
I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
Instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch em' as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches will they reach for what
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
Theres this heart all alone
What about is gone
And it really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all
Theres a world we've never seen
Theres still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all
Could blow away with a breeze
If your waitin on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Cause as the darkness gets deeper
We'll be sinkin as we reach for love
At least somethin we could hold
But i'll reach to you from where time just cant go
What about is gone
And it really wont be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all
sums up my day.
i want so badly to graduate.
those 6 words you see above
don't really express
my undying urge to graduate.
for someone always full of words
i can't verbally express
the feeling i have inside
of wanting to be done with school.
i've been in school too long
partly my fault
partly dsc's
(will explain further tomorrow)
but the very first verse of this song couldn't better explain
how i am feeling at this moment
"All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothin' that you could tell me
That could ease my mind"
jack, unlike plenty of peeps that have come and gone from my life, you never let me down!
sleep tight, readers.
tomorrow will be a new day
and no longer monday.
:)
its been a long sunday.
i am super tired
from such a busy week.
when we took my brother to orientation
and to help my parents out this weekend
while moving him in
we dropped my grandmother
off with her sister in gainesville
so she could spend some time with her
mom and i drove to gainesville today
to pick up my grandmother
we got lost going
AND coming.
its incredibly ridiculous
how BAD i am with directions
i am one of those people
who if they take a right into somewhere
they take a right out
which, of course, is the wrong way out.
i have asked santa for a gps this Christmas.
i think its time i broke down and got one.
or who knows where i may end up one day.
being in the car a total of
15+ hours this week
i have been able to get some serious music time in
my mom asked me who my favorite band was
its hard for me to answer
because if you saw how random my ipod was
you would be so confused
at what music it is that i actually like.
it is such a random assortment of music
mainly because i dont care who sings it
or what genre it is or how poppy
or rocky or classically it is
if i like it, i like it.
after thinking for a bit
i decided it is a close call between
jack johnson
and kings of leon.
i can listen to their songs
all day long
no matter what mood i am in
my favorite jack johnson song is
i've said before that
i am a sucker for a good quote
well, i'm even weaker in the knees
for good song lyrics
and jack's songs are pumped full of
awesome quotations
here are the lyrics to "if i had eyes"
If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away
If you could've tried to trust the hand that fed
You would've never been hungry
But you never really be
The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore
Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out
Lot of people spend their time just floating We were victims together but lonely You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward Can't give them enough but we just can't start over Building with bent nails we're falling but holding, I don't wanna take up anymore of your time Time time time
Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out
Always lookin
i made larger my favorite part of this song
music can find a place in any time of your life
i can hear a song and it can take me back
right to that moment
or verbalize a moment in my life
"we were victims together but lonely"
and "bulding with bent nails we're falling but holding"
are my two favorite lines in this song.
reminds me of a time i recently went through
and jack did a great job summing that up.
love me some jj.
and my favorite kings of leon song is
lyrics to "milk"
salty leave, salty leave
tell me the one about the friend you knew,
and the last good night that we toasted too.
salty leave,
stay for me, stay for me
we drank wine in the matinee
and the spotlight showed what i chased away
stay for me
she saw my comb over, her hourglass body
she had problems with drinking milk
and being school tardy
she'll loan you her toothbrush
she'll bartend you party
kill me, kill me
i called i called, but i cant get through
said he's on his own, but his own is you
kill me
she saw my comb over, her hourglass body
she had problems with drinking milk
and being school tardy
she'll loan you her toothbrush
she'll bartend you party
she saw my comb over, her hourglass body
she had problems with drinking milk
and being school tardy
she'll loan you her toothbrush
she'll bartend you party
this song doesn't necessarily take me back
to a certain time
but it is so beautifully sad and raw
and emotional and at times upbeat
i love how it starts out slow
gets faster and slows back down
i take it as a breakup
salty leave = tears
stay for me = asking to stay
"we drank wine in the matinee
and the spotlight showed
what i chased away"
i take as he was drinking to hide
his sadness and the spotlight
from the movie showed his sadness
gosh i love this song.
and i love this band.
if you haven't listened before
or are only familiar with their big hit
"use somebody"
i highly recommend listening to their other songs
now these two are from my time.
but nothing compares to the music
that my mother's generation
got to grow up with.
lucky dogs.
i love janis joplin
her version of summertime with jimi hendrix
sends chills over my body
i also love "ball and chain"
her eccentric voice and style were amazing
too bad she died so young.
she and jimi both died at 27
apparently there are several
performers who passed at 27 27 Club
my mother graduated high school in 75.
she is probably going to kill me for posting the date
but just think of all the awesome music
she got to listen to
and not only listen to
because i can listen to it
but she went to a ton of concerts
and this is HER music from HER generation.
i will be embarrassed when my children
ask what kind of music i listen to
and i say oh honey
some kayne west and jay-z
and britney spears.
i am already ashamed at how crappy music is now
i mean i do have jack and kings
but come on...they pale in comparison
sorry guys, but the truth is the truth!
i guess i will just keep praying that
jack johnson and kings of leon
will keep producing albums
and i can continue to jam out to the oldies
and appreciate it for what its worth.
peace. love. and thank goodness for iTunes!
hope everyone has a happy start to their week :)
it is now 6 days until my month without facebook is over.
at times i have missed checking my account and seeing what others are doing
but i can honestly say those times are few and far between.
i have learned alot about myself and people and life in this month
not all due to not checking facebook
but by creating different ways to view what others are doing
and living my life.
school starts monday and i will admit that i am not necessarily dreading it.
its been a long summer so i'm ready for a change.
plus...
monday also marks showtime's series weeds return.
aside from the vulgar language and illegal actions
weeds is probably one of the most well written series
i have ever seen
(aside from will and grace)
the actors are brilliant
and the storylines are hilarious
and mary louise parker is one talented, not to mention beautiful, actress.
this past wednesday my mom brother and i went to montgomery, alabama
for my brother's orientation at aum, where he will be playing basketball
i learned that i am horrible with directions and apparently inherited that from my mother
and that people in alabama really are bad drivers.
i also learned i can not do a hand-stand.
a little side story for you...
i was attempting a hand-stand by doing one up agaisnt a wall
but i was so afraid of tipping to one side and breaking the lamp on the table beside me
so when my mother made fun of me for not be able to complete a hand-stand
without assistance, i explained that i was nervous of breaking the lamp
and with a quick swat of my hand to further explain what i was afraid of
i broke said lamp.
i mean i am not that strong. that lamp had obviously been broken before :)
while caz, my bro, was in orientation, mom and i explored montgomery
not too bad other than the fact we got lost 4 different times.
i'm settled in my new place and am loving it.
"they" say once you live by yourself, you'll never want roommates again.
we will see how that goes.
i am definately learning to entertain myself.
its cool and peaceful and boundaryless. (yes, boundaryless is a word)
real quick, because it's late and this weekend has been exhausting and i highly don't recommend moving twice in one week, i wanted to share with you something i stumbled upon.
we all can learn a little something about kindness from this.
spread the love.
i am so happy to announce that i am moving again :)
moved back in the with p's saturday
and moving back out again friday
kind of just fell in my lap with the timing.
funny how things always have a way of working themselves out
i'm in the mood to blog about dating tonight
funny i'm blogging about it
when i know so little
but i am very familiar with the opposite not dating
i've had one real boyfriend
not the 'will you go out with me? check yes or no' kind in 5th grade
the real deal
we dated for 2 years
and we couldn't have been more wrong for each other.
he was my crutch when all of my friends went off for college
i depended on his companionship
and he was all i had (other than my lovely p's)
i made him my everything
and that wasn't good.
it crashed and burned because of that reason
but i am partly the person i am today
because of the demise of that relationship
i didn't ever think i would recover
but i did and am thankful
and am stronger because of it.
been on dates here and there
but nothing ever solidifies.
i get asked out by the oddest and most random people.
oh and i love (add a sarcastic tone here) being set up.
like i've said before, several friends of mine
are seriously dating, getting married, making babies
all of which terrify me
i just want someone to hang out with, without it getting too serious.
it has proven to be a difficult task
due to them or myself.
i don't want to settle down in dalton
maybe because i've never ventured out
or maybe because there isn't much of a single life here
or maybe its just not for me
anyway...i want to leave when i graduate
so why get serious with someone here?
it does, although, get lonely at times
same ole places
same ole group of people
same ole gossip
same ole, same ole
it is hard to "just be friends" with the opposite sex sometimes
but it would be nice to have someone sometimes.
but for right now, that someone needs to be me.
i'll go on dates, but my guard is up for the time being.
this whole process of creating myself will eventually help me
find the person i want to share my life with
and not until then will i go looking...anymore.
i am going to stop labeling these by days, because as you can see my last post was on friday. between moving and existing outside of the 11"x 8" screen in front of me, i have been super busy.
today i am frustrated with a couple of things.
firstly,
i am not much of a card player. played a little uno back in the day. a little poker here and there. BUT the card played that I loathe the most, is the black card.
i don't go around complaining that people owe my anything because i have brown hair or because my great great great grandmother was homeless because some italian dude stole all of her money and beat her. did this happen? not to my knowledge. but if it were true, it isn't affecting me in my present life, so why complain about it or expect things because of it or hate every single italian because of it?
i'm not comparing this fictitious story to that of slavery... and if you thought that i was or are already offended... stop reading my blog now because you don't deserve to read it.
slavery was incredibly wrong and gross and demeaning, etc. i cannot change this. i am sorry it happened. to the people it happened to... not the ones still using it as an excuse or a reason for a hand-out.
call me a racist. whatever...i've always said, and stand by, that 'white trash' is by far the worst race. truly, it is.
even with my previous statement, i was called a racist recently. i was leaving work on a monday night (when i worked at the gym) and a group of guys that always play basketball there were outside hanging out. i knew them from coming in the gym and we had all gotten to know each other well and we were always friendly with each other. my coworkers and i were locking up saying bye and i said "ya'll don't break in and steal anything." they laughed.
(now, i am one to say things innocently and then immediately realize what i said, but with this...the thought of racism never crossed my mind) needless to say...one guy took it wrong. came up to me working the next week and asked what i meant by that statement. me, not knowing what he was referring to, asked "what statement?" "you know the one about breaking in...did you mean that in a derogatory, racist way?" i, being a joker myself, seriously thought he was joking. so i laugh back..."why yes, that's exactly what i meant." when i saw his reaction...i.e. him not laughing... i assured him it was a statement/JOKE i would have said to anyone.
i am not sorry he took it that way...nor did i apologize. that is stupid. was he guilty of something? i don't know, but i - in no way - was accusing him or insinuating he would have broken in.
may i add that i also loathe the 'n' word. i don't even like when "they" use it. its DEROGATORY.
but for godsake, if i were to call someone that word all hell would break loose. yet while flipping channels on tv or just being in public, i constantly hear 'white' people being referred to as crackers white bitches whitey honkey
WHY IS THIS OKAY????????????????
don't put the guilt of slavery on me especially people around my own age. they didn't even experience segregation. they have every oppurtunity (if not more through african american scholarships*, etc) to be just as successful as anyone else. *why can't there be a white, non-atheltic, non-baby mama, working two jobs through college scholarship for me?!?!? if i ever become rich and famous look for said scholarship to be awarded to someone through my donations :)
i don't expect things to be handed to me because of my race. neither should anyone else. ALL races have their advantages and disadvantages. and i'm not saying all "black" people act this way, but i see it all too often. so don't expect me to apologize or feel sorry for you because your great great great grandmother was a slave.
this lady said,after her and her baby barely made it through labor AND the baby being in neonatal care for 8 months, that she wouldn't be opposed to baby number 20. gross.
yes, i would potentially leave all 10-12 of my kids that couldn't take care of themselves yet, motherless. what a selfish person.
she pops out babies like a puppy mill. but my, oh my, how they are rolling in the dough now. and i'm sure baby number 20 would bring about numerous outlets for potential profits. ew. go away reality tv stars...i'm over it.
just a little frustration venting today. no one said creating themselves was all smiles and flowers. you need dirt to grow as well :)
