day four, five and six

ok, alright guys. i didn't post friday, saturday OR sunday, but it was because i was busy...living :)
not that i'm sure anyone follows or cares enough to ask themselves
"wonder where cali is today?"
right. ha.

chattanooga was a much needed mini-vaca. a simple time with a superb friend.
fazolli's and wine....well it doesn't get much better than that :)
we talked, laughed, laughed harder, and caught up.
love simple nights.
makes you really appreciate life.

during the weekend i had an ah-ha moment. i realized that although i may be quitting my job and am not sure on where i want to finish my degree....the unknown is exhilarating.
i'm uncomfortable.
i'm scared.
i don't know what i want to do right now.
and as crazy as it sounds, it is so peaceful.

because I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW.
i'm excited about this upcoming semester
and seeing where the rest of 2010 will lead.

life is such a small oppurtunity and i have not been seizing it.
i know these people who travel around the u.s. live in cabins, lofts, anywhere and work around the town they're exploring at the time.
i envy people who can just give life control instead of little ole me who is desperately clinging on to whatever "life" i think i have. and trying even more desperately to control it.

as worrisome as life has been for me. i.e. trying to 'plan' life and making wrong choices and not knowing, death is equally terrifying.

7.24.2010 marked the ten year anniversary of my papaw dying. a decade. insane. what a man, Charles Freeman Vining, II (a.k.a. Junior), was. he worked outside until the day he died. he was the youngest brother of four girls. i don't think he ever said "i love you" but it showed through his actions. a tough exterior, but, and i didn't realize this until i got older, a soft soul that just wasn't told "i love you" enough. he was set in his ways and was scary to all of the other grandchildren, but i knew he was all talk and i always stood up to him. he respected me for that. i was 13 when he died, but he already saw enough of himself in me, that he warned my parents to watch out for me :) i wish i could've known him as an adult, so i could've appreciated his wisdom. instead of just the man who would yell at me to move all of my stuff when i'd visit. i miss those days.

my mom and i vistited his grave. he was so particular that we picked all the debris that was on his tombstone off because we knew it would bother him too much :)
i wonder what he is like in Heaven. i'm sure he and God have had some words :)

i believe in heaven and i believe in God, but the afterlife intrigues me so much that it scares me. comprehend? yeah, i don't either.
i fixate on death sometimes.
when will i die?
what will i have done with my life?
who will be at my funeral?
these are a different version than the questions i asked the other day. the kind to not measure what accomplishments i've made, but the discouraging kind, like "what haven't i done?"
questions like these have plagued my thoughts since i was a child.
no more, questions. i'm done. instead of constantly worrying what i do with my life, i'm going to do my life.

my precious memaw asks me everytime, and i mean everytime, i see her if i have a boyfriend.

and this is, everytime, how the conversation goes.

memaw - "cali, do you have a boyfriend?"

cali- "NO, MEMAW, I DO NOT." (in caps, not yelling, bc she can't hear...anything)*

memaw - "(gasp!), you don't?", "why not?"

cali - (in my head, well if i knew the answer, i'd probably have one) "i don't know memaw."
memaw - "well how in the world can you be happy"

cali - "i'm working on it"

cool memaw

hahaha i laugh everytime we have this conversation.

my dating life is a whole other story, probably a whole other blog.

bless her heart, she just wants to see my happy, married, and knocked up.

but it ain't happnin' anytime soon, granny.

(during these recurring convos, a bitter tone maybe added during times of breakups and letdowns) :)

it breaks my heart when she talks about when she was young because i know she longs to be so again.

it bothers me when i have to walk past an elderly person because they're walking too slow.

but maybe, they've discovered something i haven't...

slow down and enjoy the world, because, while i'm busy running in and out of places,

they stop and notice.
everything.
sights, smells, noises, that i miss, they cherish. because, for them, the end of their life here on earth is iminent.
i'm going to start this now.
enjoying this day for what it is because, as cliche as this may sound, tomorrow may never come.

i am so excited about what the future holds. i've been holding myself back for so long.
i'm letting go and letting life lead me where i need to be.
where that will take me, i do not know, but i sure do hope they have a Starbuck's :)

__________________________________________________________________
*i always use a patient toungue when talking to my grandmother because although she may forget and ask the same question twenty million times and can't hear, there will be one day when she doesn't talk, or ask questions, or make me scream "NO, I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND"
my mom read me a quote when i was younger that was a little like what i'm explaining:
"when they ask you the question, answer.
 when they ask you the question again, answer.
 when they ask you the question again, answer.
 because one day they won't be here to ask."
that always stuck out with me. go hug your grandparents.
i wish i would've hugged my papaw more.

day three

yesterday was a great day.
i worked.
(my summer class is officially over, got a B...sweet)
got off at 4.
went home and relaxed.
my roomie had been gone for the past couple of days, but luckily she was home when i arrived.

said roomie

we decided to eat Fuji for dinner. and much to my surprise it was dollar sushi night. yum.

DOLLAR SUSHI?, you ask?

yes. :)

after our scrumptious sushi...we rode around with the windows down, appreciated the beautiful night, jammed out to some old school tlc*
there is something so peaceful about driving at night.

*see below. you're welcome.



this song was out when i was in 6th grade. 11 years in the past. woah.
-a side note from 6th grade. i was already 5'8 by then. (5'10 now) noticeably taller than EVERYONE. made for some awkward (and by awkward, i mean lonely) school dances. :)

back to my tlc peeps. love this group. i miss the days of poppy group bands.
R.I.P.
Backstreet Boys
N'Sync (my first concert ever)
Destiny's Child
98 Degrees
THE SPICE GIRLS.

after our jam session we journied to Starbuck's
and got an ice cold caramel frap...(told you i was addicted)
(no need to wait for it to cool down :) - see 'real day two' blog to understand)
my roomie got whipped cream on hers.
i did not. i'm trying to watch my figure ;)

we tried to make the sunset on the top on mt sinai.
a small 'mountain' that overlooks the city
and this is what we got....

this is what dalton looks like at just 9 pm.

why does this town shut- down so early?

drives me crazy.

this pic is facing east, so we did see the tail end of the sunset.
it was a perfect mixture of pinks and blues,
but my crappy phone camera didn't pick it up.
(NO I DON'T HAVE AN iPHONE)*
when i was younger i used to think this was
God's way of telling us boy/girl twins were born.

ah, the innocence of childhood.
and the creative way children think.

i so boldly stated yesterday i don't want children right now,
but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate
their genuine passion for life
if adults spent more time listening to children
instead of trying to shut them up
or by ignoring them,
their creative intellect would amaze them.
this is why i love to babysit
and am darn good at it if i do say so myself. :)
-off my soap box

the amount of time i have spent on the internet hasn't changed much since declaring my seperation from facebook
but the things i view and learn have
instead of flipping through photo albums,
or viewing profiles,
or seeing what everyone else is doing
i am researching travel ideas
finding new music
blogging
creating myself.
i love it :)

today my journey will take me chattanooga where i get to see my bestie.
bb & cc foreva!

this girl has seen me through so much
and i love spending time with her.
can't wait :)

readers...if there is anyone who reads this...
...maybe reader would be better...
reader, i will leave you with a question.
if you too are on a journey, which is yes - because we all are,
start at the end.
you're at your funeral
what would people from these following relationships say about you?
- personal
- professional
- family
- past

if you don't like the answer
lucky for you
you can create a new one

enjoy this beautiful day.
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*the whole iProducts annoy me bc they lack consistency.
for example.
they have an
iPhone
iPad
iPod
iHome
ew.
i like consistency
don't you think iPort would have been a more suitable choice?

an apple a day may keep the doctor away, but apparently creativity as well.

iPersonally belive that iPrior iPlanning iPrevents iPiss iPoor iPerformance.
but i will say that they're making the big bucks
so iPredict this horrendous boo-boo
won't hurt them.